going through 2011... (welcoming 2012)

sure there's many things happen this year... well let's pull out the list ^^~

# i bought my new laptop 1n January 1st, 2011
     believe it or not mr lappy here is soon to be 1 years old... 6 years younger than my previous laptop... people said i'm spoiled? come on!! i have to deal with 6 years worth lappy... upgrade here... ^^~

the lappy who will turn 1 few hour later

# i'm married
     okay just on the internet... hahaha... to my beloved hubby n my lalink... anis.. (just propa je tu) ahaha

# i got courage to drive around the city finally
    well the truth is i have my driving licence 3 years ago... and only this year i became brave enough to drive around until back to PD (credit AJ for this)

# umi and ayah went to Mekkah, celebrating Eidul Adha with just my siblings
    well this is something i dont deal with everyday... i mean yea i live far from my parents and just me alone but when u have to deal with siblings who is the oldest is 3 years younger than u is really ask for my self control more than any time i could ask for

melayan 2 budak karok... kena banyak sabar oo....

# i learn sometimes to beat the fire is not necessary to be the water
   well it's true... this 2011 i think is the year where i have to become patience in every single moment and suppress my anger down to the bone just to make sure i dont explode. i turn out to be stone cold, not apologizing considering i have to dealing with my pride... i know it's my loss then but the truth is i dont feel that hurt...

# izzati went to hospital... still i consider that my fault
   it happened so fast that the last thing i remember is adik izzati's face is hitting the glass cabinet`~~ hard... she was hospitalized for 2 days..

muka adik berparut.. ahaha.. sib baik angah pandai mekap..
bleh gak cover2.. ^^~

# i getting sick alot this year
   not a year where health is on my side...been always going to clinic and dealing with meds all the time... fever, cold, gastric, cough, food poisoning, spine cramp... yada yada yada....

sampai je KK, letak je beg... terus kena g klinik... nyway thanks AJ
coz anta g klinik ^^~

# i lost atok... less than a month later i lost another family member
   well i wasnt there when atok died... so does tok chik... but i feel the lost too.. i mean, both are amazing people i know

arwah atuk and tok chik... semoga di
tempatkan di kalangan orang
beriman..alFatihah...

# angah's boyfriend died
   well this was not actually my problem but considering she is my family and her boyfriend death tore her more than her siblings could i guess it suppose to be one of the event...

# FE dinner
   one of the best event ever... i cant say i love my look back then but i do know we pull out one insane dinner ^^~

from left: Amuk, me and AJ.. we are the emcees that night ^^~

# program terbaik
   well it's not entirely true... but i am the pengarah protokol and that night i showed everyone that i might look fragile but i am not.. ^^~

the after party... makan seafood ^^~

# my great fall
   well i probably say i suck alot this 2011... i almost failed in everything.. and i thought i'd never get up...

# accident... first time in my life when i am the one who ride the motorcycle
   well not my proud moment... nothing serious tho except the person who hit us should at least ask us (me and AJ) whether we're ok or not...

# getting shot
  ahaha... by my lecturer during VIVA... first time... not so fun tho

# i watch Malay movies... and Aaron Aziz officially one of my fav actor (ngeh)
   ahaha.. this one really make lotsssa people laugh.. dun worry.. i still love Supernatural... just being Malaysian ^^~

okay this is Aaron Aziz... ahaha ^^~

# seeing a lot of places tho i still want to complete 3 round of islands in KK
    well i must say i owe AJ a big-fat-giant THANK YOU for this.. i went to Ranau, Kionsom waterfall... a lots of beaches, shopping, eating weird but yummy stuffs, and many more... but i want to go to Sapi Island...

kat perdana park... nice air pancut.. ^^~

# berkumpul sebelum mantan2 CA104 grad... huhuhu
   well kami (saye, anis, nia, kak ada, kak shalini n kak ching) gather for the last time before everybody graduate (in this case kak ada n kak shalini ^^~)

mantan2 senior CA104 yang best ^^~ sayang kakak2 sumer

and maannnyyy more.... i cant remember all but i'm sure i love them... well thanks 2011, u making me as Crystal as i am today.. ^^~ now i want to say hello to 2012

viva<------ just a fancy name... the truth is beyond fancy...

okay... today i should say one of the most mental-torturing day tho everyone have to live in it for just 15 minutes...

well a lot of people kept exchanging good luck wishes today including me... hell AJ came early to support everyone and help me go through 15 minutes hell created by someone so called terrorist shooter (i credit my classmate; Yung for this...)

me? i been through so called hell too n this sniper were damn good... and i cant answer back... that is some piece of shit! and fun part? that person dont understand my thesis presentation and kept saying my thesis not relate to everything i'm suppose to do... well if he need someone to blame, he should after my supervisor then... but who said i can get away from what i've done? well i'm totally so screwed.. living an epic disaster of Crystal's lifetime... adoii... really hope i will do much better...

feeling down way to the center of the Earth coz of the sharp comments... hadoi.. no wonder i felt i should never like KPop...  the person who shoot me also from Korea... ahaha... (so not related)

i guess most of my course-mates talking about this viva thingy and no one said a good thing... most of the post is like this...

see? who said viva is a car? well i used to think to buy Perodua Viva as my 1st car coz it is easy and convenient but now i will find another car coz i hate the name... =_='

i think 1 day of resting then i will bury myself in Semiconductors books... Dean and Sam have to wait... just Ben can be singing on my ear... bole ke gitu?? pastu saye nak tengok Boboi Boy... sot sudah saye ni... all bcoz of  viva... adesss!!

viva + final exam = DIE!!

viva.... final exam... balik.... nice sequence huh?

well fyi viva here is not a  car but proposal thesis presentation... or u know the friggin FYP thingy that i kept blubbering about? yea that thing... except now instead of handing them with papers, we have to present them in front of lecturers and all my course-mates.. nice huh?

final exam is suck too... u know the time table... on week two (wednesday) i'd be facing two papers in one day... worse? two killer paper... dangg!!

i just cant wait to go home... meeting adik izzati and eat umi's food... but then who says it's holiday? i will buying some components and start arranging them so i wont massed up my thesis this time... my previous? was an epic disaster... so i cant continue with some epic disaster sequences so i have to start out smart...

that's that... owh... did i mention this study week is suck? i mean why would they made us wear formal attire during 15 minutes presentation on study week? yea... u guys read it right... viva on study week... 

ever wonder how i feel? try listening to 3 Doors Down called Changes... that is exactly how i feel...

3 Doors Down -Changes

I'm not suposed to be scared of anything, but I don't know where I am

I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted and nobody understands (how I feel)

I'm trying hard to breathe now but there's no air in my lungs

There's no one here to talk to and the pain inside is making me numb

I try to hold this Under control

They can't help me 'Cause no one knows

Now I'm going through changes, changes

God, I feel so frustrated lately

When I get suffocated, save me

Now I'm going through changes, changes

I'm feeling weak and weary walking through this world alone

Everything you say, every word of it, cuts me to the bone

I've got something to say, but now I've got no where to turn

It feel like I've been buried underneath all the weight of the world

I try to hold this Under control

They can't help me 'Cause no one knows

Now I'm going through changes, changes

God, I feel so frustrated lately

When I get suffocated, save me

Now I'm going through changes, changes

I'm blind and shakin'

Bound and breaking

I hope I make it through all these changes

Now I'm going through changes, changes

God, I feel so frustrated lately

When I get suffocated, save me

Now I'm falling apart, now I feel it

Now I'm going through changes, changes

God, I feel so frustrated lately

When I get suffocated, I hate this

But I'm going through changes, changes

well that's that (for real tho...LOL), wish me luck ^^~ !!

through years n long lost best friend

well the fact that i'm turning 1 year older in less then 24 hour wast bothering me much. i am me no matter what they say... soo... actually i got a call from a veeerrryyy long lost friend last night ... we were friends when i was 8 and she live in Sarawak now...

well she told me that it never occur to her that i will be far away from my family again coz as much as she recall i am a family type of girl... last time we saw each other was before i left to STTJ... i was 15 i think...

well we dont see each other everyday before and she moved to live with her parents when we was 10... she came back and we met again 4 years later when she came to visit her grandfather grave at PD... and i saw her and like a long lost friend (memang pon) we hugged and i (i swear) cried.... we were close.. we fought before but then we cried coz we throw mean words on each other.. andd i am not a crying type..

she called me coz she told me she want to get married... she told me "i need my sister on my wedding day" and when i told her i might cannot be there when the time comes she told me "the wedding can wait" and i was like... "dont do this... u know i will called u every 2 minutes to keep myself update" and she said as long as we can skype n u teach me everything u know on putting on make up..

so we skyping and first thing came out from her mouth... "GOSH ATTUULL!!! ko nampak lain sangat!!"

i was like.."mana ada.. same old me.. maybe more chubby je la"

and she goes like "i will recognize u even u have no nose or lose all ur teeth or u have serious burn on ur face"

"really? then how come u said aku nampak lain?"

"years u know... we havent see each others for YEARSS"

so almost like 6 hour chatting n make up tutorials then we go offline...

after that i look at my old pics ("i cant believe i dont have our pic together Marieanne untill now...") and i wonder have i change so much? well y dont u guys decide...

it's me throughout my very 1st semester until my 5th semester (now) in UMS but if this dont look any different.. try this one

well the pic is mine throughout years until now starting my last days in TTJ untill now... do i look different?

dilemma

well....... life is short so i'll make this super-shorter.........

FYP final deadline must submit in 2 days.................

i am like nowhere to make huge progress.................

my dad  in KK and ajak kluar.............

x keluar karang kecik ati plak coz dah 2 kali cakap busy....................

lgpon arini last dia kat KK... mlm ni balik Seremban (saye still tinggal kat KK)...............

ade presentation on Tuesday...... tp x wat pape g.......

argghh!! DIE!!

MATAI!!!!!!!!

hopefully everything will be alright...........

AMIN.....~~~~

kisah d kafe n jawapan tajam....

tadi g jumpa madam fouziah... memula nak amek date aje sekali terborak2 la plak.... banyak la pengakuan saye seorang manusia yang khilaf dibuat.... adoi.... ahahaha.....

so actually i just want to ask about my few things but end up with kami bercerita... ahahaha... standard la t...

so saya ada klas politik ari slalsa ari tu (macam slalu je cakap pasal klas politik ni kan???) and after class (budak2 FE xde klas ari slasa aritu except me n the political class) saye g libry konon2 nak wat FYP... tp sblom tu nak makan dulu... tengok kafe ssssaaannngggaaatttt full coz lunch hour kan... so mase tengah berdiri carik tempat ade sorang budak ni cakap

"awak sorang ye? boleh join awak makan?"
"aah... boleh je kalau jumpa tempat nak duduk"
"okok... lapar gile ni..."
"lar... sian..."

lepas 10 minit x dapat tempat saye decide nak masuk libry balik. saye cakap ngan dia kalau dia ada klas baik g makan kat meja mana2 n saye trus masuk kat libry. dia x cakap ape tapi trus ikut saye masuk libry...

"kata lapar gile... nape x g makan?"
"makan sorang2 kat tempat terbuka? malu lah"
"kenapa nak malu?"
"nanti apa orang kata"
"peduli apa orang kata..."
"saya pun xde klas ni.. saya makan dengan akak lah ye"
"mhmm"

so lepas tu saya g makan ngan dia n lepas makan saya masuk libry balik sambung buat FYP.

tapi sempat jugak saye tulis macam ni kat status FB saye

"sanggup berlapar dari makan sorang2... adooii"

n someone pun tanya saye apa maksud FB saya tu... another sneak attack daari saye utk someone ke?
saye cakap la x... told her about the incident and she said

"memanglah malu kalau makan sorang2... lagi rela x makan atau tapau aje.."

saye pon tanya la kenapa...

"orang akan fikir kita kera sumbang"

saye pon cakap la maybe org tu nak cepat n xnak buang masa tapi saye disuruh get a life
so saye pon cerita benda tu kat my bro (dari kesah kafe sampai conversation saye ngan that someone)
my bro memula tanya penah saye makan ramai2 n when i say yes he asked me brapa lama saye makan?
i told him agak lama....
i also told him skunk minggu antar assignment...
so nak borak2 sambil makan something yang susah saye nak buat

n he answered me with this very short but sharp answer...

"buat apa nak risau pandangan orang kat kafe? baik ko risau pandangan ALLAH kat padang masyar nanti sebab sejam tu ko guna untuk makan n mengupat!"

ouch!! but i agree

so that's that... papai!!

movies............ sedey je...

skunk ni org sume2 tgh bising ajak saye tengok wayang...

saye just tensen je scene saye suka
xde dlm movie... adess

tp baru saye prasan sumer org ajak saye tengok citer based on buku... Twilight la... owh.. yang baru2 ni (smalam actually) AJ ajak saye teman dia tengok Ombak Rindu...

hmm to be honest saye paling malas nak tengok movie adapt dari novel ni... nak2 yang saya dah baca... lagi malas.. like Harry Potter... since saye dah baca sumer buku dia... nak tengok citer memang sangat la menyakitkan hati..  or Twilight maybe (saye x minat sangat  citer vampire ni tp tah macam mana la tergatal belek2 sampai habis sumer trilogy tu...).... so saye malas nak tengok...

saye bayangkan beliau hero tapi kena
bunuh plak akhir citer- klu
hero x mati kan???

tipu la x penah tengok movie langsung... for example Twilight... saye x bayangkan Kristen Steward as Bella tapi i really wish Emma Roberts n i dont see Edward Cullen as Robert Pattison, i see him as Cam Gigandet in a very pale form and get this.. i think last time before the movie was out i really think Edward Cullen is way cuter than Carlise Cullen but then terbalik pulak...  owh.. alih2 memangla Cam ni belakon jadik vampire dlm Twilight.. tp vampire jahat la plok... mengecewakan............(hahaha banyak bunyi plak... macam la saye director)

ade saya cakap saye suka
tengok Aaron Aziz berlakon?
yup!! i do actually?

n saye jugak malass nak tengok citer melayu klu klua panggung ni... my 1st movie saye tengok called congkak... best? sepanjang cerita saye rasa menympah aje... buyik je lebey!! then satu lagi (what i was thinking back then?) my friend kt matric blanja... actually dia nak tengok citer lain but end up citer lain yang last2 kami dua2 kelua 40 minutes before movie habis n beli tiket lain.... and last time saye tengok citer melayu len is Khurafat... ok.. this one i admit... I REALLY WISH DEAN WERE SAT NEXT TO ME!!! sebab this is 1st time i watch ANY movie with one eye not-fully opened... or dalam bahasa len saye x tengok sangat sebab takut.....

so to be honest saye xnak tengok citer from book actually coz

len je rasa baca buku n tengok
ovie dia kan? kan? kan?

1. especially after i read the book i have my own imagination on who will be playing the character, where is the scene and what it will look like.... and of course no director will be able to read my thought so.......... lain je la bila keluar
2. books are more into detail.... movie? they have limited duration...so some scenes that i like in the book cannot be shown in the movie...
3. klu tengok wayang... popcorn is a must... n kat panggung mana boleh men pause2 kalau nak g toilet... u missed a scene... u missed it la... unless tengok kat laptop.... (klu cam tu bek download je tros ye x?)
4. u can sit wherever u like with whatever u put on... (ni kes malas nak g cinema

n saye tengah malas coz BANYAK NYE KEJE KENA SUBMIT MINGGU NI JUGAK!! ades!!!

ghost watching-ish....

xde la saye tunggu dalam keta cam
2 orang mamat ni...

okay actually xde ape nak di-share except malam tadi rumate saye g wat keje kat lua so saye tertinggal sengsorang la kat bilik... so memandangkan saye bangun agak lewat so saye pon bercadang nak tunggu antu tu la (sebab kata2 AJ berbaur cabaran suh saye tunggu)... walaopun actually saye bukan la tunggu macam Dean n Sam dalam impala... tunggu dalam bilik aje... dah boleh nampak kereta tu...

so persediaan? nescafe, biskut, n MS word utk FYP chapter 2 saye....

owh btw bilik saye xde cermin tingkap so saye bukak langsir aje... x bukak lampu utama... just lampu meja aje... (amek feel)

so saye tutup lampu agak awal... 1.45 am

men FB... minum nescafe... makan biskut (AJ.. atul amek biskut aAJ sbnarnya...)...tengok luar.... minum nescafe... men Angry Bird... tengok luar...tengok luar....... minum nescafe lagik... tengok luar..tulis thesis dalam 1 muka surat (macam letak gambo je lebey)...tengok luar sambil minum nescafe...

pukul 3 am... saye baru abes download Supernatural S07E10... so download subtitle... baru saye amek kerusi duduk menghadap tingkap... waiting for the damn car to move....

3.15 am... tetiba 4 ekor anjing menyalak depan tingkap... pastu terus dia melolong... (cilakak!!)- orang cakap klu dengar anjing melolong jauh2 n bunyi suyup2 maknanya ade antu dekat2... klu depan bilik plak???

lama jugak anjing2 tu melolong... dekat setengah jam.. pstu.. saye intai lagik...

x gerak pon...
.
.
.
lepas tu azan subuh.... kalau subuh2 antu pon dah masuk tido kan?? saye je jadik burng antu... memang buang mase betol!! =_="

kesimpulannye saye x nampak keta tu bergerak... Kak Alifah yang slalu parking keta dia sebelah keta tu sambil borak dekat telefon malam2 pon x penah nampak...

so temanya... x payah la tunggu mende supernatural ni... let Dean n Sam handle those...

my (not) supernatural encounter aka cerita hantu

well actually this story kindda basi (or still circle-ling - be aware saye x sure perkataan ni betul atau x) but notice that it is not my experience...

lets start from the start.....

(Nov 26th, 2011)
me n my lalink baru balik meeting jalan kaki (dari Tamu Gadang) and before that kami jalan kaki dari 1B ke Tamu Gadang-Anjung Siswa and before that saye jalan kaki dari KKCD ke 1B (bapak jauhhhh!!)
so sampai2 bilik... kami yang still banyak keje ni terus on lappy n sambung keje walopun penat tahap baru marathon dari UMS ke KK jalan kaki...
pastu tengah2 wat keje AJ datang amik barang...
kami sattlekan keje.. sambung tengok muvie n off kan lappy pukul 2.45 (plus minus tapi before 3 am la)

(Nov 27th, 2011)
lepas anta anis balik 1B, saye balik bilik n start pulun FYP... AJ datang nak amik barang n (more less macam ni la kami punya conversation)
"Aku nak taw kisah sebenar... pe cerita dia?"
"Citer ape? pasal ape?"
"kau yang dok CD pon tak taw? xpe lah.."
"ape ni... wat cite tergantung plak! nak citer cite la betul2"
"xde kan semalam aku datang sini? member2 aku tanya ak x nampak ape2 ke?"
"nampak ape?"
"kau taw kan keta yang buruk xde tayar kat depan blok tu? ade 2 budak nampak dia bergerak.."
"yang xde tayar tu? bila?"
"semalam... area pukul 3 pagi.. ko x dengar ape?"
"kitorang tido are pukul 2 setengah camtu..."
"malam ni ko cube tunggu... mana taw betul..."
"macam la atul xde keje kan?? =_='"

lebih kurang camni la keta tu.. xde tayar....

so mana citer hantu?? hahaha... kat conversation kami tu... hahaha...

betul ke x wallahuallam....

do i wait for the ghost car? nope... too sleepy for ghost watching.... besides... i can do waayyy too many things up untill 3 am rather than watching for some abandoned car moved by ghost...

i'm not scared but i thing this ghost hunter thingy is not my ideal job since i have to submit my FYP....

so that's that... x seram pun... huhuhu ^^~





 

the most ridiculous wish ever....

december 1st? almost 2 week bfore i submit my FYP thesis...
.
.
.
.
.
i dont have any idea to start my chapter 2 yet... idea ade... rajin yang xde....
.
.
.
.
i wish ada 31st november... lama sikit (even 1 day still i can buy myself time...)
.
.
.
.
.
boleh ke???

so predictable me

(kredit to my FB friend for this ... saye dah mintak izin utk copy ye ^^~)


Mengetahui Sifat Anda Melalui Tarikh Mengikut Kajian Tapi Semuanya Adalah Dari Allah swt..

Sifat manusia mengikut tarikh lahir ada 3 ketegori :

A- Jenis kelamkabut,cepat tension,nak cepat,nak segera,kurang sabar,nak cari kesempurnaan dan sentiasa nak cari kehebatan.

B- Jenis rilek,cool,yang tenang,yang mudah tolak ansur,yang lebih kurang dan mudah untuk dibawa berbincang(leceh sikit xpalah,lmbat sikit pun xpalah)

E- Jenis sangat emosional,mudah terasa,mudah melenting,mudah mengamuk,mudah marah dan mudah hiba..

Kategori A - Mungkin bulan 2,4,6,8,9,11,12
Kategori B - Mungkin bulan 1,3,5,6,7,10,12
kategori E - Mungkin bulan 2,3,4,7,8,9

Ini hnyalah kajian yg telah dilakukan.Mungkin ini sedikit-sebanyak dapat membantu dalam memperbaiki kita punya sifat daripa kurang baik kepada baik..Yang sudah baik kepada yang lebih baik..Segala2nya adalah datang dari Allah swt..Anda kategori yang mana??? ... =)

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

reason from the kajian tarikh lahir n everything above? nothing actually... just perasan x saye lahir bulan 12 so saye termasuk dalam 2 kategori?


1st one is category A: Saying i am kelam kabut (very true), cepat tension (maybe), nak cepat/segera (i always delay something tho sometimes), kurang sabar (in certain things), nak cari kesempurnaan (?) and sentiasa nak cari kehebatan (? i love to compare myself tho never express it.. if that's what it mean)


2nd category is B: that say i am jenis rilek/cool/tenang (which agak contrast dengan yang atas kan?), mudah tolak ansur (true) yang lebih kurang n mudah dibawak berbincang (this one i really dunno)


tapi few days ago few ppl asking me is i have problem or not tho i never ask for counseling from anyone n when i say no they say that it is obvious that i am really need to talk about somthing (well i do have but i dont want to)


well then i talk to anis n told her about how ppl notice me having problems n she said i have a very obvious ppl  can read face when i am kelam kabut, ada problem, tension n yada yada yada....


wow.. now i see too many evidence that make me believe i am predictable... adoi.....

bipolar disorder me...

well actually i have laser midterm tmorrow n 2nd chapter for my thesis to be done but somehow i opened my FB n found that i have 6 pending invitation to my friends wedding (or their siblings) n i was like... demmit... bulan December... not just suppose to be a happy month for school kids, but wedding month for most of my friend and (shocker) my bday too... okay.. and as always... i doubt anyone will remember my bday tho... plus viva week (presentation for our thesis) on my bday so.. happy becoming bday crystal...

tengok invitation kawen ni always make me feel like.. am i'm too old or they just get married too young?? i am 21 for crying out loud yet my friends get married??

tetiba nak buat keje jahat kan?? what if i told my parents i want to get married?? hahaha!! kes mintak kaki....!!

my mum or dad will definitely goes like this... FINISH UR STUDY... GET A PERMANENT JOB TO PAY YOUR OWN WEDDING AND OWH... DONT FORGET... MAKE SURE MY FUTURE SON-IN-LAW ALSO HAVE PERMANENT JOB, HIS OWN CAR AND HIS OWN HOUSE!! GEDDIT??!

adoiyaiii......  

belajar pon x abes lagi ada hati nak kawen... hahaha!! not to mention kena cari calon pulok... hahah!!  nak tunggu Ben alamatnye kena kumpul duit banyak2 la coz nak g sana bukan pakai daun... mamat tu kan takut naik kapal terbang?? ahahaha!!!

Ben: den pon kono jugak??!!

Dean??? ni lagi la sampai ke sudah saye x kawen... he's fictional!! adoyai!!!

Dean: akuuu jugakk yang kena??!!
Me: nasib ko la ^^~ ahaha

btw i love to buy myself ring but i wonder how it felt kalau orang bagi ek?? (limited time only ppl got to hear i say this before i going to puke!! ahaha)

why on earth m talking bout married, calon, mintak kaki wish?? to take a breath a bit actually... almaklum la for some reason i feel like giving up so i think take some (many) time off maybe would help...

well actually it help a little...

off to study back... wish me luck ^^~

this is me when i suppose to feel sorry for myself

okay convo week.. and i am stuck with something i should've done like months ago...  yup... FYP!!
well idk why i've become this lazy (not that i want to) but for some reason i feel so not doing it... a lot of ppl say i've change so much (not in a good form tho) n i have to admit i'm heading to my own self-destruction like in a split second away... n i notice that...

my mom told me my neighbor (she study in UMS too) is graduating n tho her parents always say "along xpe... senang je nak lulus"... i doubt that. i doubt myself n most important, i doubt i can keep my promise n stand tall n will look at my parents face with their proud face (u know... my first-born is graduating look)... i doubt everything n tho i am very much want to blame my environment, everyone (or someone) but i have to admit it was me who turn out weak n m losing my focus... gosh this time i really gonna weeping on the floor

well to be honest i am trying hard to get myself together.. i notice i am not what or who i'm used to be... i used to finished my assignment before the deadline, i used to have like muses living inside of me, i used to worked under almost 2012 tragedy in a minutes away but still can make it, i'm used to work under very hard pressure tho i am like super sick and most importantly i still can maintain everything in order... i still have my self control...  but that was like Han's Emperor time story... now? i lost myself like big time

idk why i keep doing this tho actually i realize i am almost (i mean it) fail myself... not that loser is my ultimate ambition tho but (here come the embarrassing part) i have no strength... i lost my will and damn right i couldnt find it...  to make a new self-will is like gonna take whollata-time.. it takes 21 years to build them  and less than 21 second to burn them all down... well i know how major destruction works... i'm onto that research now so yea i can relate...

if i can compare my life with others, i think maybe i am no match for anybody... i build everything everything with my on hands... my parents just a catalyst that accelerate me n i done almost everything without cheating (i'd lie if i say never but slightly yea) n i done it by my own... funny story actually, few days ago after Political class i went to cafe. find an empty spot, place my bags, go buy some food n sit there back. all by myself (i retake the paper so no one in my batch going to the class) and one of the juniors at the political class came and sit at the table... and she said "i dont want to make u look like a friendless loser" n i was like... if i wait for my friend i cant satisfy my hunger dear... so i rather look like friendless loser rather than being hungry coz that feeling cannot be shared with other... but to think about that most of my time when i am strong as me is when i am all by myself... not that i say my friends weaken me but (duh this is pathetic but i'm sorry my friend) i am better off without anybody... but hey i am not living at antartika or possibly purgatory so i cannot  be selfish to create a world of only me... yea i know that in fact my last 21 years old also surrounded by people that shape me as me so SHIT idk what went wrong!!

  
i hope i can make everything in time... i hope i can be me again... i hope i can grab everything back while it's not too late... i hope i can lift all this rocks off of my shoulder n move on to a better place... ya ALLAH i need ur guidance here...

patience please come to meee........

to be honest i dont have much idea on what actually what i want to write but there's an incident (twice- two night in a row) happened that i swear if it happen for a third time i might lose every patience i have in every bones....

so we start with day 1st, i was out with adik Izzati to buy some groceries and before that i went to ATM to withdraw some money... then i started to drive and at the junction, a car just started to race me and when he out from the junction, few cars honk at him (a long beeeeppppppp tho) and that driver almost hit my car n i was like WTF??? but honking not really my thing so i let go... from there i drove to the gas station to get some fuel and the guy park his car next to mine and he looked at me with anger n owh this is (more like) our conversation goes

"awk taw x ape awak buat tadi? u just almost got me killed!"

"excuse me?"

"dah taw pakai kancil tu buat la cara pakai kancil... awak ingat keta saya ni ape?"

"now let me make myself clear... u have amnesia or u just that plain stupid? coz awak yang potong saya kat simpang tu n keta lain yang hon awak" btw he just driving this Proton Saga 

"that would never happen kalau awak x bawak macam siput"

"i stopped at the junction mister... there's a dozens of cars and no traffic light... kalau saya x stop saya la yang kena langgar... ada paham??!"

"dah la x cantik kurang ajar lagi"

"right back at u... owh plain stupid too"

and then i just go to pay the gas n fill my car... he was like having this "i-will-kill-her-in-the-next-meeting" look and i was like "the-next-time-u-do-that-i-will-start-throwing-punches"

so on day 2, which mean the day after, i went to buy some aerosol and his car blocking my car. i wait there tho i feel like i suppose to just hit that jerk's car (i dont even remember the owner or the car) and when he came out he look at me n we have another scene (yea  i think i really make a scene there)

"awak lagi!! kenapa? x puas hati?"

(at  this moment i do admit i'm the one who have amnesia) "huh?"

"kenapa awak tengok saya x puas hati? bukannya saya cium keta awak pon semalam... salah sendiri tapi salahkan orang lain... macam ni lah perempuan xde budi bahasa"

(then saya start ingat) "excuse me!! who the hell u think u are? awk yang block kereta saya boleh2 awak tanya kenapa saya x puas hati?"

"serve u right coz awk memang saangat rude smalam... let me guess... looking for comfort food coz ur boyfriend leave u? ataupun have u ever have one?"

"look sir, i dont judge ppl but u sure stupid coz i think u talking to a freakin mirror but not me! i dint even raise my voice n not saying anything... what are u? woman? too sensitive bro!"

"kalau x nak kereta orang block kereta awk, bawak la moto bodoh!"

"why dont u?"

"ape?"

"bawak moto... then u dont have to face my rudeness"

"saya punya suka la nak bawak kuda pon...lemme guess... awak x boleh bawak moto coz moto tu x leh tampung awak ek?"

"wow, u really an idiot...1st... the place u park ur freakin scrap isnt a parking zone... ape awak pakai lesen A ke? 2nd, u think moto tu dari ape? buluh? if moto tu body dia x solid then no deaths reported kalau org kena langgar dengan moto and 3rd u acting like a freakin spoiled little girl u got that?"

"lesen A?"

"lesen Agong... sesuka je la awk nak letak moto tu kat mana"

"dah la x cantik... gemuk... serve u right la xde boyfrien"

"how would u know?"

"coz guys are not blind... u dont have good heart... good manners... good body... good face... untuk kebaikan umat manusia saya harap awak jangan keluar rumah lagi.."

"and i bet the longest relationship u have is less than 2 months... coz u dont have good heart, good body, good job, good sense of humor let alone manner... owh btw awk xde la hensem sangat pon... "

"kurang ajar!"

"yes i am... now move ur junk!"

i bet this is how his girl feel LOL

"saya xkan move my car... no matter what..."

"news flash dude... u blocking the traffic too.. move ur damn car before they give ur sorry ass saman parking.."

so he moved his car but then he race me again at the junction causing other car honking at him and my car almost kiss his ass...

dude.. where u get ur licence?? grrr....

owh.. sesuka hati je call me ugly n everything... i cant say much just i feel sorry for ur girlfriend (if u have one)....

that's that... papai...

all about love ^^~♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

well i just feel like sharing this touching pic.... i can relate somehow...

the love is so pure... i swear i almost cry... the look at Kuya's brother face actually touch me most... i'm not gonna lie... it really remind me how much it feel when adik Izzati hug me... honestly when she hug me.. i felt every peace in the world... like every pure love in the world u can ever get.... somehow i started to feel i dont even give a damn if i would never married in the future coz i have this little angel that need my arms to hug her and comfort her... yea she get everyone love but somehow i feel that every responsibility to put her need first before mine...

ALONG SAYANG ADIK ^^~ ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

me on my growing up side (>_<)

well for the 1st time saye rase sangat perlu make sure all my siblings need to stay together no matter what... so when i get off from the plane... btw thanks to Ayah Chik n Cik Dah for understand me... well to be honest, i flew from sabah with absolutely NOTHING (i really mean it.. no clothes, books but my lappy n few assignments) but only a thoughts that i want to be with ALL of my siblings n that's that...

so after i arrived n waiting for my luggage, i turned on my phone n i saw like 23 missed calls n few messages from angah... so first thing i do next is calling atin n she told me they already at Port Dickson with aiman, aimin, anis n adik izzati... angah n achik were still at home... n my 1st thought then is to make sure all of us MUST stay together...

so i told Ayah Chik to send me back to Seremban n then when i get there i went to sleep 1st (all night Charmed marathon with AJ coz afraid i will oversleep) then after i woke up, i told angah n achik to packed their stuffs coz i will drive to Port Dickson n all of  us will gather together as what umi n ayah asked....

umi n ayah masa nak berangkat ke Tanah Suci (credit to
angah for the pic)

well i arrived at rumah nenek around 12 am n to tell the truth... i am so relief to see all my siblings were there even the Eidul Adha is supposed to celebrate in the morning...

so in the morning, i woke up early, drove to the mosque for sunat eidul adha prayer, and have a breakfast together with everybody... an i swear that i am so relief like the weight of the world just have been lift off my shoulder and i thank ALLAH for allowing me to do what my parents asked me

tho too many things try to make me losing my patience today, i'm glad i can keep myself calm and hold myself together....

ALHAMDULLILLAH....

btw SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILADHA ^^~

that's all guys... papai ^^~

bercanda di pantai!!! (haha ayat skema!!!)

okay nak wat post riak dulu

ESOK SAYA BALIK SEREMBAN!!! HUHUHU!!!!!~~~~~~~~~~

so okay... skunk back to the story...

alkesahnye sebelum pulang ke tanah air (macam dok jauh je kan??) saye ingat nak g bayar sewa moto minum TeaBox green tea dlu sblom saye balik semenanjung...

so pas bayar... (actually sblom tu sy kena jumpa Dr Lai regarding my Political paper but then i got few problem so i didnt go) AJ ajak saye g pantai memandangkan saye merupakan "hantu air" so kami g pantai Likas (walopun duduk dekat, sy x pernah g jejak pantai Likas) n then sesi amek gambar... klu ngan manusia len haram la sy nak kuakan phone n amek gamba tp minah ni suke beno amek gambar... haha!!

enough said, jus see the pic ^^~

so that's that...
thanks AJ coz bawak saye g main pantai walopun x dpt mandi coz air kotor.... huhu
n Seremban... wait 4 me kay!!!
papai ^^~

magic??? kindda... witchy maybe??? idk the exact title but feel free to make it up urself

okay... this should be quick...

the married witches (Don & Maggie Stark)

well saye skunk tengah layan Charmed... well this is one of the oldies (not really old la) series that i'm into n somehow my lalink never watched it so then her friend gave her like the whole 6 or 7 seasons full... huhuhu and tho since i watched Supernatural.. i think kindda weird to like witches especially how Dean hate them... haha n then i watched season 7 episode 5 (Shut Up, Dr Phil) where there's about a couple of witches who is married to each other and have problem... they kept getting at each other sing their power and somehow i find that very funny....
and the funny part?? the brothers have to become the witches marriage counselor so that they dont taking their wrath on each other and (typical) hurt others too (that's y it become a case to Winchester brothers no?)

and yeah... one hell of the funny episode (tho i start to say i'm not gonna like it since Cass is dead now) coz they become like season 1 again... not to serious but still we know there's an issue with the brothers... owh and i cant pick which of my fav line so here is few:

“Literally kill off everything around her just by PMSing at it. Yeesh, that’s not creepy at all.” -Dean

“Bewitched just got a lot less funny”-  Sam

“I’ve had 800 years of this. Do not make me bring up the Renaissance.”-Maggie (the female witch)

well speaking of Charmed, for those who didnt watched or never know bout them, it's about Helliwell sisters (Prue, Piper, Pheobe and later after season 3, Paige) who from normal-living carrier white picket fence woman to super powerful line of good witches and each of them have their own special power...

well i love this series like very much especially it goes to show how strong a woman can be (owh yeah in this case having magic) but in the same time they can balance their carrier with saving the innocent job from evil and have a family and the sisterly bond really is one of my fav part... ^^~

and as for Supernatural, i already watch episode 6 (season 7 of coz)  lol ^^~

so that's that... papai ^^~

my top 5 fav bands all the time

well when i went to do a group discussion at the library, somehow one of  my group member came to me and said

         "kami cuba cakap dengan akak tapi akak tak dengar ke? lagu apa akak dengar tu?" 

owh btw i'm putting my headphone n listening to my music playlist ^^~

so after apologizing, he came to me n start opened my music folder and goes like

         "OMG!! never heard any of these song or know who sang it!!"

and i was like =_='..... that's fine... i get that all the time

so i was starting to feel like okay....~~~ i might have a VERY rare taste of music (tho i heard some in the radio)  or very SUPER DUPER rare taste on vocals  or bands

so this is my top 5 fav band that their songs always in my playlist

1. Breaking Benjamin

 well  what's new here? kindda like the whole wide world know how much i LOVE this band and the vocalist of course (blushing!! LOL) 

well short history bout this band, BB was formed in 1998 by Benjamin Burnley and Jeremy Hmmel (fomer drummer) in their home state, Pennsylvania, US... and fun fact; Breaking Benjamin got their name from one of the incident when Ben who covering his fav band (Nirvana) song  in a open mic in a club. He kicked the microphone stand over, breaking it n the club owner came on stand and said "I'd like to thank Benjamin for breaking my fucking microphone"... so that's where Breaking Benjamin's name came from

they actually changed their name to Flight 9 for a short time in 2001 and after a various line-up changes, they changed their name back to Breaking Benjamin..

well now the band just consist of 2 member, Ben himself and the drummer, Chad Szeliga after Ben fired their former lead guitaist n base guitarist after they re-release the "Blow Me Away" (u know the one which pissed me off like crazy in my late-late previous entry) and the new (kindda like their greatest hits n few unreleased song) album

why i LOVE BB?? did i mention i have crush on Ben Burnley??? huaaaahahaha!! nope that is not the only reason... i love them coz i love the way they play.. how charming and very deep their songs are and of course they are like very good... more than others just no one (i mean not many) realize that they produce one hell of the album ^^!

owh yea... i think i mention my fav songs right?? yup.. plural... kindda hard to choose... i know their songs and lyrics more than i remember my own phone number... LOL ^^~

2. 3 Doors Down

i LOVE 3 Doors Down like before i know BB... the 1st song i heard is "Here Without You" and yea it is one hell of the famous song ever... i mean who hate that kind of song?? but my all time favorite is "Landing in London (All I Think Is You)"... i love how it sound and gosh.. i love the MV even more... n did i mention i love Brad Arnold's vocal?? yup... he have one hell of the best vocal ^^~

well just a short history... the 3DD was originally from Mississippi, US and their 1st #1 requested songs on the stations over 15 weeks...

Brad Arnold eventually ended up acting as the group's singer coz, as he puts it "nobody else would do it, but i did n enjoyed it a lot"... well like Ben Burnley, Arnold is also 3DD's lyricist and (this one i like) wrote som of their early greatest hits when he was 15 and always working on the songs during te math class (well i did most of my drawing not in the art class too tho ^^~ HAHA)

well now they just released their 5th album called "Time Of My Life" and yes i love most of the songs in the album especially the one called "She Is Love"... 

3. Daughtry

okay this band is kindda like (at 1st i thought) just one-man band that formed by former American Idol 5 2006 finalist, Christ Daughtry (now see what i mean??). but then after meeting pakcik gugel, he told me that Daughtry is actually an American rock band from North Carolina which form by Chris Daughtry himself ^^~

well who says rock doesnt rule the chart? actually their1st  album was the fastest-selling debut album in SoundScan (kindda like a method of tracking the selling record in music i guess??) history and yea i think most ppl know what is their very first debut that like (i am personally love them until now) made ppl love them... yup called "It's Not Over" which actually one of my fav songs when i do karaoke (tho actually my all time fav karaoke song is by "All The Right Moves" by One Republic)

but why in the hell on the 1st place i love them? i mean why not? tho they is a rock band (supposedly menyakitkan telinga), but they actually have one hell of ear friendly songs and i must say tho most ppl ear friendly music type is not my type, i do love this one... enough said !! ^^~

owh actually my all time fav for Daughtry is "On The Inside" which is (of course n idk why) non-paying song in radio station here.

and i cant wait for their next album tho got few sneak peek (i mean i listen to one of the songs in the album called "Crawling Back To You" n i like ^^~) but hey... kindda watchin Supernatural sneak peak n i'm dying to know the rest of the episode

4. Maroon 5

hmm lets see... this is one of my fav band like ages hell Maroon 5 (Songs About Jane n It Wont Be Soon Before Long)  is the 1st CD i bought... 

the 1st song i listen to (kindda funny story actually) is called "Harder To Breathe" but i heard that on a commercial break. Well the song was inserted in the cartoon called "Samurai Jack" for the background song for the TV advertisement and i was like "okay.. i am so in LOVE with the song!!!" and my achik goes like "Whoa along... that's some weird song but i love the cartoon" hahaha!!

Well the band from LA and consist of 5 members, Adam (owh he so hott!!) Lavine, James Valentine, Jesse Carmichael, Michael Madden and Matt Flynn... well the original band's name is Kara's Flower n the reason the changed the name to Maroon 5 is idk... yup i'm serious... even uncle gugel dunno huhuhu

reason i love them? idk i think they sound a bit different (i dont mean the lyrics okay!!) but somehow i love the rarity in Adam's vocal... like he dont try too hard yet he dont take it all to easy (ecehh!!) 

my fav songs? kindda tie too... i love "Sweetest Goodbye", "Tangled", "She Will Be Love"and owh yess... "Harder to Breathe" for their 1st album and "Goodnight Goodnight", "Makes Me Wonder", "Wont Go Home Without You", "Better That We Break" and of course "Wake Up Call"

but i take like few moments to love their current album but sure i love "Give A Little More" and (sometimes this is one of my fav karaoke songs) "Misery" and did i mention i love his collaboration with Christina Aguilera in "Moves Like Jagger"? and yea.. i love when Adam sing at The Voice especially "Crazy" with 3 other sifus hehe ^^~

5. Nickelback

well this band is from Canada n this hard rock and alternative band consist of 4 with Chad Kroeger as the one hell of the vocalist huhuhu ^^~

well i heard them for the 1st time when my classmate paste their lyrics ("Someday") on his table n when i asked him about the songs he kindda goes like..."ko ape taw... pompuan just dengar lagu bebudak Akedemi Fantasia je!" and i was like "bukan aku ek!! cakap la!!" so he told me that this is one of the best band on earth.. end of story...

so i took a peek at the song and i was like.."okay not bad" but then came "Far Away" "If Everyone Cared", (and i love this song n MV so much) "Savin Me" and more and i was like... "this is great!!"

n then came "Gotta Be Sombody" n "If Today Was Your Last Day" and i officially put this band as one of my fav band alongside BB, 3DD, Daughtry and Maroon 5...

owh Chad is like one of the best vocalist too... he collaborate with one of i-love-to-sing-and-dance-along "Into The Night" with Santana.... 

well i guess that's that... 

well u guys can see.. my fav bands is not from unknown ppl so just un-too-much-been-exposed band...

i bet u know at least 3 outta 5 from my fav bands here imma rite???

btw this is my friggin blog so i can rate them and crown whoever i like <------ pesanan to the haters

so before AJ start to gone "mak nenek" on me i think that's that for now... papai ^^~

GNO (Girls Night Out):-mentally rest from many becoming things hohoho!!

well i supposedly went study and finished my need-to-be-submit-on-Monday assignment but after send my lalink back to her house (she live at 1B now), my friend AJ, asked me to go n spend a girls night out at KK... at first i was like... hmm...  (a bit hesitate there) but then i thought well this should be fun.. so we went after Maghrib prayer...

but before that, me, my lalink and AJ went to karaoke.. and idk how she feel but i can see AJ was like 0_o?? haha... since both of us (Anis and me) have "Simon will suicide if he find us make album and become the best artiste of the decade" voice... hahaha.. sorry AJ.. that is Anis n my have-to-do things all the time...

the actual idea is we want (actually she want) to watch movie called Al-Hijab (idk is this the right spelling) but then there's only showed at 4.15p.m so, we just went around the shopping mall doing window shopping at CP... owh and Aj showed me one hell of yummy hotdog and i LOVE it sooo much... actually what wereally do is window shopping and then taking pictures... well i should brought my digital camera back then but (how could i??) forgot...

this is "hinava"

then we went to EAT... haha


owh.. kami makan dekat tepi laut and... the things that i like the most there is called "hinava".. it's a local Sabahan food made from raw fish, mango, onions, lime, chillies and maybe some other stuffs that idk but unlike shushi (well some of them is raw right?), this tastes better... well after all i have Malaysian tongue... ^^~


well it's not that i have never done that but somehow i LOVE what we did.. just girls night out (GNO) and no boys include and (this might sound weird) just only two of us (coz so two is a friend three is a crowd maybe?) means we can do what we want (like not all have the same thought) so the less the better.. tho sometimes the more the merrier but i think the idea is just for proper plan not some random on-the-spot plan...

then photography activities... haha...

well THANK YOU VERY MUCH AJ coz show me a lot of new things (tho i live almost 3 years in Sabah)... ^^~

owh btw since my camera phone resolution quite "very good" so most of the pic came from AJ.. thanks AJ!!!

owh.. and fun fact!! i went out WITHOUT ANY MAKE-UP on my face today... hahaha... so my face kinda weird maybe?

that's that... papai!!!