Friday, March 11, 2016



my 2nd post for 2016...

well to be honest i think everytime i start writing here i feel sad like i think i should change the blog to become my personal diary... but still, i love to write about other staff (who gonna do review on Supernatural on diary right?)

lately i feel miserable (am i always feel that way?) 

i got jealous on a lot of people around... my friend got promoted, my friend got married, my friend got engaged, my friend went for long holiday, my friend bought a car, and most of them usually dont include me in their happy day... yada yada yada...

i mean i know i should be happy for them but somehow it make me feel sorry for myself... whyyyy? why i am the only one who wasnt grant with everyone's happiness? like sometimes i feel like too many human walk on the surface of the earth and somehow one or two human accidentally were forgotten and all the happiness in the world just finish (or in this case feel just me)

i kept telling myself to make peace with it but i'm human too... i got feelings too... so yeah at the end i tend to hate people around... because i'm jealous

idk if everyone have down moments in life because i do have it most of the time but and usually when it happened i actually have to face it all by myself because i start to see the pattern whenever i have cash or car i have a lot of friends... everybody want to befriend me but when i dont have car or money, i dont have friends and sometimes families will keep their distance from me...

so hashtag friendship goal thing? a hoax at least for me

i always want to cry for no reasons... i will somehow get stupidly emotional because how lonely i've become... and everytime i will tell myself to calm down... you already know what's coming so why so sad??

but who in the history of human being will calm themself down when someone tell them to calm down

let alone try to convince yourself to calm down when you actually cannot so... yeah i end up crying

i figured if i dont get jealous i will maybe i dont get sad and if i dont get sad i'll be in peace... MAYBE?


i think that's that

Thursday, January 14, 2016

2016... the first rage

hi everyone... it's 2016 already...

yup last year is not the best year for me since i have like waaayyyyy toooo many things to do but i guess if you work with many people...  "fun" is not in my favor anymore... try exhausted instead...

everytime the clock strike 1730 all i think is my cozy bed

i mean not everything is  bad... it's not that i work as a forced labor to build railway track in WWII but it's more like mental torture...

as i writing my blog here i'm actually in class

owh the company where i work sent me to KL for kursus and all i've been thinking (before and during) WTH? in the middle of the month where most of my money went into everybody else's pocket? but i guess it's part of the job and i cant blame many people on this... i am the one still refuse to find another job... i figured i'll be in better position sooner or later... the question is when and how...

TBH i think lately i realize how sorry ass i am as a person... looking back at my classmates and my friends, even my families most of them is happily married with great job and loving spouse while here i am on my own... i have to admit oi dont have lots of friend... Little that i know i might nearly non exist to some people but idk...

i hate bring things up to some people especially about my loneliness... my uneventful life... because it feels like i'm throwing boomerang... it always come back to knock me down....

i'm fat and ugly... that is the constant reminder i always get from people... and for some reasons sometimes the words keep playing in my mind like some sort of chanting and i somehow start believing that... screw you positive thinking... whenever i feel like being positive i will be push into believing i am a big loser

some people start making fun of me whenever they feel like it... i made faces showing my discomfort but i guess that only encourage them more... whenever i told them to stop the tease gets harder and the words getting sharper... whenever i walked away... they followed to continue what they started...

Honestly i have suppress my anger so hard and instead of being mean back i will hide in the corner and cry my heart out.... but still the cycle never ends... i guess old habits die hard... especially the bad one... you can be 50 and still being big asshole bully in the name of having fun... not to mention how i'm still single... everybody knows why and how...

beauty comes from the inside

yeah right jackass... whoever said that must be as ugly as eff... it's a comforting chant to them... it's not gonna happen so yeah... screw you

i think the more i write the more i feel like crying and slaming the keyboard so i'll stop now...

hope to write soon

that's that

Sunday, June 21, 2015

long story where i make it (the superest) short

meet Khayraa.. my  little
me lately... (after some editing of course)
hey... okay... it's like years (okay almost 2 years) since i write anything here... so lets go with quick update:

# i'm waiting for Supernatural Season 11 (yeah... we go quite long way here)

# Breaking Benjamin will launch their new album (with new line-up) plus a VERY (i mean seriously) kick-ass songs

# i am an aunt now (i know this should be on top of the list... but at least it is on the top right?~~~ plus it's my
friggin blog anyway)

some of my classmates on graduation day
# i'm still work in  customer service business

# i am obsessed with DIY makeup... accesories... i mean u name it...

# i am still single (like that's a shocker or something)

# i just graduate (again)... hehe... alrighty... i took a Mandarin Class and just finised the course so i can speak-ish Chinese

# i basically almost cannot walk for a month since i am such a clumsy person ... okay... say jatuh 4 kali berturut2 dalam sebulan (well let just say 2015 dont really have health in store for me)

well basically nothing much i can write about since my life wasnt eventful...
dulu deme berempat sekarang berlima... still they
 make same great sound
 (what can i say... i am benheads after  all)

anyhow,,, i'm currently helping my sis with her project (lame......) so please do support her by visiting her blog here

anyway... the source pic is from pakcik gugel and me

so that's all for now
papai ^^~

Saturday, January 18, 2014

the "how-to-break-Crystal" game

well recently, some people really like to get on my nerve... well not succeeded to tear me up on my sis' wedding, now they start a new nerve war by questioning my educational level... yes yes i know i am not CEO of some world-class zillion dollar assets but by questioning my education level is somehow breaking almost every rule ever existed on the game "how-to-break-Crystal"... wtf

well it all started when someone in my family got a job before he/she graduated with sijil... it's not like i'm perlekehkan that sijil of his/her but... (okay there's no but... i'm just jealous)

so one of them who know exactly well what is my job and my educational background start asking (as he/she dont know) about it... and then goes like

"eh.... gaji sama aje... tapi along ade degree.... ?"

"ummm.... keje macam tu... dengan degree.. pastu xde boyfriend... something wrong somewhere la dengan si along ni..."

wow... some sarcasm... really... that's why someone says words are sharper than any swords.... and that question? really stab me through the heart...

yup... well i know i am single, but i have something i can be proud of too...
i hear he/she keep whining about office politics like every second i see he/she

i mean it doesnt mean we have no "office politics" going on but i guess it just internal
it's quite calm
so i dont have to get home whining about my boss or colleagues and wtf that bugs them is really ridiculous.
i'm happy with my job n family here. so what's the deal? at least i dont have to deal with bulls#!t he/she been whining like everyday.

i know at some point sometimes i myself been whining about my job but i think baby steps people. one small step at a time. that is why people ask for experience. i'm not wise tho i'm a degree holder. i need my life lesson before i can move further. so why dont people give me a break?

and to think about my education level versus career graph is kindda like off the chart, i know i'll be a joke among them. yeah i'm the one who always with thick books and debate everything by books but i guess i learn my lesson by life is not about grades, degree or how thick your books in your shelf. like i said i'm not wise but i'm learning. so again gimme a break

with people keep asking me and sometimes asking my parents make my parents start to press me too...
my mom keep asking me to leave the job i currently doing and start to find a new one.
same goes to my dad. i've been compared to others who got quadruple payoff then my salary without spending waayyyy too long looking for a job heck they only have certificates/SPM.
i dont give a rat ass about how much they get as much as what they do. but when they start using my own parents to break my nerve, i tend to go emotionally upset. mood swings everywhere and sometimes that emotional tend to get worse.

idk what they really want. saying that they only want to see me happy but keep suppressing me passing my breaking point is one hell of a job well done. really? i mean yea i'm happy with my little salary but what is it to others? i dont have that bragging rights with my paycheck so back off.

"buat apa study jauh2 kalau keje macam tu aje"

"bila nak maju dengan gaji banyak tu?"

are some questions that always been asked to me.

idk how to make people see how happy i am here tho my paycheck not as much as i deserve. to be honest i never home on time coz i'm pissed. i stayed tho my work is done. why cant people see that i'm happy? and my friends been jealous on how fun i have and she thought my job worth staying. i think that too...

katanya saye xnak maju. tipu lah... but there's reason for me to stay, if i start a new job, i start again at the bottom. i'm thinking i made my own progress as far as i stay here. my achievements here wasnt that big but it's something and i did that with all my mean something to me

maybe someday my heart will change but until then i really want to stay. people can break me but this place have grow so much in me that i think leaving here is my last option.

that's that

Saturday, December 7, 2013

"whining" (maybe)

one word to say
yup... coz working on Saturday is one thing but i'm not suppose to work on Saturday is another
not everyone is working btw

well to be honest i am quite tired of what i've been doing lately

termination here and there
form to be completed
facing some people who understand but pretend they're not
explaining the same thing
arguing tho it's all in there
use the same script over and over

it's not that i am ungrateful
i have to admit i love everyone here
everybody knows how to have fun despite alot of pressure we're facing everyday
everybody treated everybody like a family
we joke, we laugh, we poke, we gossip and we make fun with one another

heck i lost my voice due to sore throat coz we went karaoke last night and they make fun of my songs choice

we then went lepak2 at warung until i forget to pick Fatin up from work
continue gossiping about work, environment, families, people and tell a joke only we would knew
we support each other

i am treated like a little sister here, the elders make me like their youngest daughter
we cook and let everyone tastes
no matter what it tasted it will always ended up in someones tummy ^^~
my actions like running to the back sometimes
make everyone worried that i might trip
i tripped and cut myself few times but then we all joke about it
people laugh at some words i use but i take no offence
it's all apart of being co-workers
we tolerate each other

i'm not say it's all bad things
it has pro and cons
but the fact remains that whatever i'm facing it's grew older
and i need some fresh eye

i mean yeah... i'm whining like old lady
some been doing the things i been done for waaayyyy tooo many years
and (idk) never complain

i think that's that
just want to write something
(people might say i'm whining but it's mi freakin blog anyway)

so bubye ^^~

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Supernatural Season 9 (only my) 1st impression

okay long story short, since it's like years i didnt write anything about supernatural, i think now it's a good time to write some

anyhow it's already in season 9 (ik rite? ive been obsessed with the series for freakin 9 years!, even older than Izzati)

the (very COOL) promo poster

alrite since i didnt comment about the season 8 finale, let me get this simple; awesome! that's all i can say

i mean, the angels falling looking like meteor-shower is one thing but the emotion in there, and as usual, when Dean cry, i will cry too but it's quite sometimes to feel the brotherly Winchester love that make me go awwww again

okay, so now lets talk about season 9 premier called "I Think I Gonna Like It Here"

basically, it's what happen after Sam gave up the third trials that actually will shut the hell forever and Metatron cast out all the angels from heaven after he tricked Cass. i mean before this, the only problem with the Winchesters always with the hell and the bad side but since it's already season 9, the game got leveled up to heaven... i mean they introduced us to heaven i season 4 n how the creature can be douche but then the problem only on the boys and Cass ^^~ (i mean that's the story all about rite?)

Ezekiel try to heal Sam
well, after giving up the trials, Sam kindda dying and since all all angels fall to earth (some with no powers at all and some still got juice), Dean make an open prayer to any angel who can hear him since Cass too cant hear him coz Cass is completely human. Well most angels who heard Dean are pissed and seek revenge on Cass and since Dean and Cass has this bro-mance thingy, they get to Dean to tell them where Cass is...

long story short, out of most angels who heard Dean and want to seek revenge, one of the angel who still believe in Cass came for help, according to Dean, he's cool and Cass said he's a good soldier

i think Ezekiel kindda cute too....
(xde kaitan! HEHEHE) so he try his best to help Sam... especially when Sam ready to die after he talk to Bobby and Death (sampai ati ko nak tinggalkan abg Din i sengsorang?? wuwuw)

yup! there's Bobby and Death in this episode and lets just hope it's not the last time tho i really wish they'll bring Adam and Henry too... ^^~
Dean got kicked by few angels who seek
revenge on Cass and Metatron n him

and (i think i spilled too much) i'm not sure he's a friend like Benny or Ruby (which both used to be friend and one can be trusted n while the other one not) so time will tell

until then all i can say, this episode is worth a wait tho i think season 4 premier episode is the best of all... but with best cliff hanger from all the seasons (yup, now season 8 take the crown for best season finale), maybe the expectation bar been raised tooo high... i'm not disappointed but not too thrill to be honest but i like it anyhow ^^~

btw the pic source come from Google, Facebook fan page (Jensen Ackles and Supernatural)

okay that's that
papai ^^~

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

angah's wedding (i'm officially a kakak ipar)

well hiya
the groom  n the bride

actually it's quite like FOREVER since i left this blog... so maafkan lah kalau dah berdebu sana sini

*cleaning here n there*

*cleaning here n there*

*cleaning here n there*

*cleaning here n there*

(dah macam maid pulak rase biala blog sendiri pon...)

okay, well honestly saye still love to write n i got like waaayyyy too many things in my mind but since balik keje je rasa mcm baru balik beperang (haizzz x mcm Dean langsung LOL ), so nawaitu hanya tiggal nawaitu

well lets start with the thing that mengubah status saye sebagai seorang kakak ipar... HAHAA

yup, that's rite peeps, my sis already married

pengantin dgn (antara) keluarga sebelah perempuan
well the wedding ceremony took on Sept 21st, so nikahnye dah tentulah the day before that, Sept 20th....

well sebagai seorang kakak yang baik (eceh!), saye amek cuti 2 days before 21st, n that is when i became the man of the house (typicall sangat =_=')

so, tugas saye time hari angah nikah is more to tukang masak, tukang basuh pinggan, tukang beli barang... sampaikan x sempt pegi masjid pon
walopun xde kaitan tapi nak letak gak!!

antara hantaran utk lelaki
so baju x sempat tukar n in my phone pon xde gambar nikah so maafkanlah ye ^^~

whatever it is alhamdulillah, lepas asar tu angah dah jadi isteri org... saye pon secara otomatiknya jadi kakak ipar le.... hehehe

n since this is langkah bendul punya case, dah tentu la saye dapat sikit hadiah... like make-up set (which ME LOOOOVVVEE the most), handbag n shoe... walaupun saye x mintak but the groom insist to give it to me so, terima kasih lah ye achik...

owh for those yg x tahu, we call angah's husband by the name Achik... so that's mean ada 2 achik la dlm rumah saye

i mean i got no problem at all since i called my brother abun (and i am the only one get to call him that) so yg len nasib hangpa lah!! kuikuikui!!

okay, so malas nak taip pjg2 cozz actually saye tengah menahan sakit gastrik ni  tengah berkira nak amek MC sok pasal dah 4 kali muntah nih...

so tengok2 gamba jela ye

anyway angah n achik congrats semoga korang bahagia till jannah n for those who come thank u verrryyy much, it means so much for my family n me ^^~

and to my other younger sis yg nk kawen, silakan, so saye buleh dapat banyak lagi hadiah langkah bendul

that's that
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