diary...Maybe?

hiya

my 2nd post for 2016...

well to be honest i think everytime i start writing here i feel sad like i think i should change the blog to become my personal diary... but still, i love to write about other staff (who gonna do review on Supernatural on diary right?)

lately i feel miserable (am i always feel that way?) 

i got jealous on a lot of people around... my friend got promoted, my friend got married, my friend got engaged, my friend went for long holiday, my friend bought a car, and most of them usually dont include me in their happy day... yada yada yada...

i mean i know i should be happy for them but somehow it make me feel sorry for myself... whyyyy? why i am the only one who wasnt grant with everyone's happiness? like sometimes i feel like too many human walk on the surface of the earth and somehow one or two human accidentally were forgotten and all the happiness in the world just finish (or in this case feel just me)

i kept telling myself to make peace with it but i'm human too... i got feelings too... so yeah at the end i tend to hate people around... because i'm jealous

idk if everyone have down moments in life because i do have it most of the time but and usually when it happened i actually have to face it all by myself because i start to see the pattern whenever i have cash or car i have a lot of friends... everybody want to befriend me but when i dont have car or money, i dont have friends and sometimes families will keep their distance from me...

so hashtag friendship goal thing? a hoax at least for me

i always want to cry for no reasons... i will somehow get stupidly emotional because how lonely i've become... and everytime i will tell myself to calm down... you already know what's coming so why so sad??

but who in the history of human being will calm themself down when someone tell them to calm down

let alone try to convince yourself to calm down when you actually cannot so... yeah i end up crying

i figured if i dont get jealous i will maybe i dont get sad and if i dont get sad i'll be in peace... MAYBE?

idk.

i think that's that
papai