the tears wont dry that easy

people said dont be overjoyed or u will cry the next day... me? i am not overjoy n celebrating anything and always hoping for the rainbow will last all day before my light fade and out. but most of the time u wont get what u wish that easy... u need to be patience and i am patience. i kept inhale tho the air feels like it is a big hard solid cannon ball that will explode in a few seconds and yet i am still try to be calm and patience... but tho i did that, i always ask myself, havent they had enough? 

why gone through the same 'ol routine by hurting other feelings? i try to be nice and play their game all along and i never even get a tiny-single damn thank you from them. but when i done something wrong?? i am a sinner that will never be forgiven. 

at some moment i wonder what exactly i am through their eyes? just a big fatso that my heart is covered by a thick 400 meters fat? or i am just some wall that never exist unless i do something wrong then they will see that and bury me? at some point i always feels like i am nothing and one of those ever said i am "worthless at any cost" and until now that words haunting me. just 4 words it takes to make me fall off the ground and tho i know very well that person never remember what  he/she said, i will never forget. i was a kid back then and the 4 words that threw at me is the words that tear me apart if suddenly i remember it.

i cried alot and hope somehow they might see the trace of the teardrop that dried somewhere but all i get is a complaint... i dont need that... i need someone ask me what went wrong or am i okay...i need to know if someone still care...

ya ALLAH please open their heart....

end of semester 5 n the recap (sorta)

alhamdulillah... finally the 5th semester is over... me? relief like i never take a break in my life... but tmorrow baru nak balik Malaysia (saye duduk jauh di OVER-THE South China-SEA) huahaha!! happy giler2 walopu taw esok actually hari yang mencabar... balik seremban sndiri but as my  dad says, there's always first time for everything.... and i'm with ya dad!! (cuak sebenarnya... takut2 terlajak ke Kuala Kangsar ke)

ni kat pantai likas... tapi
main kat tepi air je la...

well gotta say this 5th sem is one hell of crazy semester...n tabiat saya yang wajib mandi laut at least sekali setiap sem masih diteruskan walopun kat ODEC je (hp tinggal kat bilik so saye cerita jela) n saye mandi laut hari sabtu after paper Electronics Communication.... ahaha... macam ilang masaklah je bila dapat main air.. air tengah nak pasang n ODEC pulak cantik je air dia... memang best!! THANKS AJ!!!!

hmm speaking of 5th year, ari jumaat lepas yakini sehari sebelum kami mandi di ODEC bersamaan dengan hari exam utk eComm (ecehhh ayat sastera abess) kami dapat kupon buku 1Malaysia... well saye just servey2 je la buku ape yng nk beli so ingat nak beli kat Seremban coz kalau beli kat KK ni kan mahal...

membandingkan ke-kiut-an masing2 huhuhu!!

exam sem ni? memang antara yang paling rushing... sebab macam xde study week... yela... dengan submit thesis lagi... viva lagi... memang mencabar la... x caye? i've been mumbling here n dahla bday saye time2 mcm tu... memang xde celebration la coz sumer busy... but i got a wholla bunch of bday wishes n paling latest? klmarin dari Ina... memang dok kat Planet Zulcan la beliau... hahaha... nyway thanks darl...

and this 5th sem ni i am back to where i am like in 1st sem... kurang berjoli except dengan anis n aj aje...tapi tu pon kadang2.... hahaha.... kami just pegi karok... n just window shopping je la banyak n merata2 sekitar KK me n AJ redah sampai kena langar pajero... adess


well sem 5 ni jugak is where i was pressed like crazy n i need to suppress my anger down to the bone n remain calm when ppl start making fun of my family... as i said... i'm fine if ppl wanna mess with me but mess with my family is something i will actually never tolerate... n my relationship with ayah is so good this semester... we have such a great time every time he came n visit n we share laugh like i was 3 again (ya ALLAH thank you for this gift!!)

now??? SUPERNATURAL MARATHONN!!!! papaiii

just let me understand this friggin 5 years of silent!!

so this is to my ex bff who i think became stranger to me...

well i dont really care if u want to break this friggin friendship tho idk what actually happened... i try to ask but u just become this stone cold silent type... and lemme tell u this... only Jensen Ackles look good in becoming strong silent type of guy... and yet u try to be the ice king...

so that letter is for u... i wrote it just to ask u why so man up n explain! n i hope u remember we used to be like this...

 "Used To" by Daughtry

You used to talk to me like
I was the only one around.
You used to lean on me like
The only other choice was falling down.
You used to walk with me like
We had nowhere we needed to go,
Nice and slow, to no place in particular.

We used to have this figured out;
We used to breathe without a doubt.
When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.
We used to have this under control.
We never thought.
We used to know.
At least there's you, and at least there's me.
Can we get this back?
Can we get this back to how it used to be?

I used to reach for you when
I got lost along the way.
I used to listen.
You always had just the right thing to say.
I used to follow you.
Never really cared where we would go,
Fast or slow, to anywhere at all.

We used to have this figured out;
We used to breathe without a doubt.
When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.
We used to have this under control.
We never thought.
We used to know.
At least there's you, and at least there's me.
Can we get this back?
Can we get this back to how it used to be?

I look around me,
And I want you to be there
'Cause I miss the things that we shared.
Look around you.
It's empty, and you're sad
'Cause you miss the love that we had.

You used to talk to me like
I was the only one around,
The only one around.

We used to have this figured out;
We used to breathe without a doubt.
When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.
We used to have this under control.
We never thought.
We used to know.
At least there's you, and at least there's me.
Can we get this back?
Can we get this back to how it used to be? Yeah.
To how it used to be.
To how it used to be, yeah.
To how it used to be.
To how it used to be.

so PLEASE make me understand before i end what actually u want us to end kay!!!

the offensive status continue (plus unwanted conversations)

well it all start when i got my "keinsafan" back regarding final papers... i'll be facing 2 killer paper in 1 day so i need to act smart by not getting killed by those 2 papers... huahahaha!! (ayat cam hero Mission Impossible palk)

so it start early this morning and someone kept posting offensive status on their FB (to me that is offensive la) then someone came and tell me that person is smart n that someone kept blabbering about that offensive status with his/her thought too (which btw i find too stupid yet offensive... again for me) tho i dont really give a damn about his/her thought... he/she sounded like "i am a beggar but i dont like what they give to me" or in simple word... ungrateful

so we have quite long conversations (i mean he/she talk n i listen) i ended up by saying "nice thought" and he/she said "yea right... u know... bla bla bla..." he/she continue talking again....

i mean i am all about talk and give opinion. not like i never take anyone opinion but when u said ur's is matter why cant i stand on mine? and especially when u were talking face to face with me... others are wrong n what u say is just by hoping u will be crown as winner... amekla... tho i see it as pathetic but u wanna make believe so go on... nawaitu suci... tindakan salah... =_='

so for that person who post ur offensive status tho some ppl support u, some others think that is offensive (i know based on some ppl comments back at ur status n since u r the king/queen of everything then u win) and some others dont give a rat ass about what ur thought. i could care less to but when everytime i on my FB n i saw ur status on my homepage i think it is too much... eventually my respect to u just fade little by little...

same goes to that person who have so called "unfair-debate" with me earlier... i hear u alot since i am in UMS and most of ur opinion to me somehow is like a junk.. not that i dont take others opinion but when it's come to principal and ethical and believe.. unless u cant break what i have inside me then either u goes "cakap kosong" n i will smack u here or keep ur opinion to urself... u denies all the source i show, and the reason that is so basi is "propa je tu" or jawapan artis "no comment" is the only answer u gave me...

i might be childish in some situation but hey!! i was born first by my parents for reasons! so at some point by saying u too good n others is either blind, deaf or mute is somehow way too offensive... i might say u stupid too but the fact remains that u always cant answer back all the prove i brought up... "army" with propose i see... n u might say i only believe what i saw n never consider logic u should rephrase again... i could say exactly the same... just maybe i wont break ur pride that easy... myself also have some ego that i will never make me bow on whatever u say... i listen and smile cynically n that is never equal to agree...

n good luck again to FE buddy n sape2 yang amek exam (x kesah la exam ape hatta ujian memandu pon) ^^~

so that's that... dah janji ngan lalink saye nak g bli barang... adios!! papai...

offensive status n i hate that....

kadang2 jadi menyampah nk bukak FB... i mean i still can take it if it still all about diri sendiri n (sometimes) couple gaduh ni tp when ppl kept complaining n mempolitikkn semua benda... something is not right...

saye mengaku saye jadi menyampah dengan manusia2 yg taw menghentam n memandangkn beliau lebih tua n perlu d hormati... status macam tu d like n d sokong... i mean bukan sume status beliau mcm tu... tp some yg i think over-rated or sound offensive...memandangkan saye dah boleh mengundi... meaning to say i can choose who i want to vote... doesnt mean i will post every status utk mengeji parti yg saye x sokong....

n i dont think beliau faham beza parti pemerintah n kerajaan ni... tp at least open minded la sikit... kdg2 nak je tanya sejarah beliau masa SPM dulu dapat berapa... i mean i am not all good n hafiz dgn kitab2 politik kat Malaysia ni tp my dad was a sains politik student so i read his books when i was young so i am pretty sure i can see clear view... i mean i am not scholar in this but i can understand quite well...

perlu ke nak hentam semua benda n claim u r the only one right? org lain salah? saye sendiri pon kdg2 pertikaikn semua benda but this is the thing that i cant get...

isu AUKU is another thing... i am mahasiswa... me personally think x perlu kot nak berdemonstrasi mcm ni time study week.. kan elok study aje? ade org bg saye 2 situasi...

situasi 1: mak bapak hantar pegi U utk belajar, terlibat dgn demonstrasi, dibuang universiti

situasi 2: mak bapak hantar pegi U utk belajar, terlibat dgn gejala sosial, mengandung anak luar nikah, fail, dibuang universiti

so mana satu saye pilih... i go with neither... both turn out to be a great disappointing things to my parents... so why bother risk that... maybe i am safe player on field but u take that kind of risk mmng bodoh la...

i could give a rat ass about those things coz in the end no one wins... yang berdemo ade yang sampai masuk hospital n yg tolong leraikan kena hentam kat FB... harta awam jahanam... x ke kerja sia2?

n saye mintak maaf klu ppl think saye sorang manusia yg kolot atau masih d takuk lama... but as i said before... this is my friggin blog... i am not on any side... maybe i am on one side but i am not going to hentam the other side like i am some kind so called "true patriot"... i dont gather ppl on a group (whether they like or not) on FB n start bashing other party... i think it's offensive...

that's that ye!!

struggling... and still does...

well i am actually try to get as many as possible mood to study...

well study week isnt exactly a nice moment to gather all  the rajin mood...

teringat masa d matrik dulu... my days starting at 4 pm and we all sleep at 8 am the next day... study? x jugak... ain aje... me? main Counter Strike...

now...? well during study week my day start at 4 pm.. doing a little things here and there, open the books for 5 minutes, movies all the way... same goes to my room-mate here...

progress? none.. well i am not a typical student who spend all days with books...no i am.. not really last minute doing work student either... well basically it all depends on my mood...

well i hide my broadband, try to study... hide my laptop too.. then i realize all the notes is in the laptop...(dengg)
so terpaksa on mr lappy balik... then i start using aromatherapy oil... burn it... but i got distracted by the fire... n actually it's not romantic... just calming...

amek mood ngan aromatherapy
konon2nye heheeh

at the end i tried with reading and writing in my blog and diaries... turned out it helped just few minutes...

well then i put my mp3 player, books, calculator, stationary n papers... i end up doodling... ades... i need help here!!!

i ended up drawing something i dont have to... adess!!

so happy studying people ^^~

p/s:- how can ppl say happy studying when the meaning of the studying itself is

STUDYING = STUDY + DYING ?

azam "tahun baru" and new year wish ^^~

january 1st... hah!! nice ^^~

well before that, i should say THANK YOU SSSOOOO MUCHH for the new year dedication from everyone who send messages... nice really... tho my fav dedication is from my roommate saying

Ya ALLAH, trangkn hti kmi, jdikn kmi antra hmbaMU yg mndpt pcpaian yg hbat drpd rzki yg KAU brikn, kurniakn kmi rhmat&ptnjuk dlm khdupn kami,amin~ AllDaBestFren ;-)

and most of ppl asked me... azam tahun baru? azam tahun lepas trcapai ke?

actually i am one of those who dont set new azam every new year... well idc if ppl say that's hilarious.. i mean, azam is not necessary to be made during new year... all those wish just something for (not all) ppl who sets vision n forget... i know that because i used to be one... well there's always a new day everyday, a new hour and a new minutes... so?

well just wishing upon a star cannot help u...
need some hard work in it ^^~
may all everyone wish come true

well that might make me sound like carrying my pride all around or maybe someone who have no visions.. like i'm having self control all the time... actually nope... actually i have my visions... well not that i renew my azam every day or week or year just somehow sometimes it always slip off of my mind...

wall all i wish is that my family to be in their best conditions... i cannot be any happier... and all the best to my lecturers, friends and yea... i'm not so nice myself... i just hope i can always hold on to my promise... ~ a beautiful n proud moment for my parents on my graduation day~

and to ALL FE BUDDY and UMS-ian... GOOD LUCK THIS COMING FINAL EXAM ^^~

ahaha... actually my point is do the best ^^~

 well saye digelakkan oleh Esther Belle after i declare Aaron Aziz is one of my favorite actor.... and okay... this is my all the time favorite actor... Jensen Ackles ^^~..... NOW U HAPPY BELLE???!!

and... of course Ben Burnley is my fav frontman.... ahahah ^^~

BEST WISHES ALL GOES TO EVERYBODY^^~
MAY ALLAH BLESS YOU ^^~