idk why, my patience level turns to be so low that i become what i so called hot temper person...
i turned out to be angry with everyone, everything around me and i cant take any blame. U blame me on something (even yeah i did that), i will burst to anger mode. i even gone physical these days.
at first i thought it just temporary but then this rage in me last days. i answer back tho i should not to and tho after i answer back, i feel like i'm not done...
i realize how i feel but the truth is i cant control any of them. i even get upset because of some misspelling on my reports and i am not in hurry.
honestly, this rage in me even goes to my family. yeah i know how i sound like right now. but i cant help it if some some petrol poured into small flame. it became disaster. so am i right now. i gone physical to my brother.. something i dont do but somehow i fail to hold the record.
and i dont apologize. i turn to be ice queen. idc who i might hurt. but i remember a quote saying rage inside u is like a fire that actually burned the firewood but somehow i dont feel like care. i mean, i swallowed everything alot before. i need to let it all out.
i feel like Cass sometimes. How he tried to be good soldier. although he willing to do everything and never questioned, at some point, he broke into some angry angel. He appeared cold but he done everything with all his heart (is he even have a heart?) but somehow the coolness turned into flammable rage and he punished and even killed ... but at the end Cass even apologize of his wrongdoing...i just hope i dont go too far like killing anyone tho yeah i feel like i want to...
i might come to my sense that what i'm doing is wrong but there's a thing called ego inside me that told me to look away. and i listen to them. i cant help it, it hurt inside but i just tired of being pushed and blamed.
as i said before, i am not an angel...
i do sins too...
so that's that...
papai
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