the tears wont dry that easy

people said dont be overjoyed or u will cry the next day... me? i am not overjoy n celebrating anything and always hoping for the rainbow will last all day before my light fade and out. but most of the time u wont get what u wish that easy... u need to be patience and i am patience. i kept inhale tho the air feels like it is a big hard solid cannon ball that will explode in a few seconds and yet i am still try to be calm and patience... but tho i did that, i always ask myself, havent they had enough? 

why gone through the same 'ol routine by hurting other feelings? i try to be nice and play their game all along and i never even get a tiny-single damn thank you from them. but when i done something wrong?? i am a sinner that will never be forgiven. 

at some moment i wonder what exactly i am through their eyes? just a big fatso that my heart is covered by a thick 400 meters fat? or i am just some wall that never exist unless i do something wrong then they will see that and bury me? at some point i always feels like i am nothing and one of those ever said i am "worthless at any cost" and until now that words haunting me. just 4 words it takes to make me fall off the ground and tho i know very well that person never remember what  he/she said, i will never forget. i was a kid back then and the 4 words that threw at me is the words that tear me apart if suddenly i remember it.

i cried alot and hope somehow they might see the trace of the teardrop that dried somewhere but all i get is a complaint... i dont need that... i need someone ask me what went wrong or am i okay...i need to know if someone still care...

ya ALLAH please open their heart....