i just got back from so-called holiday
well i actually so relief to have this days off after meeting and assisting customers like a month (ik ik it's nothing compared to others who have done my job for years or still doing it but i wish ppl try to see this from my point of view coz obviously it is my freakin blog)
being away quite some times make me realize what i really want and honestly tho i see what i want my feet still chain to the ground
i just hope i will not stand and stare at the road that i want to travel too long
it took some times to realize but i still cant find any courage or way to start my 1st step
i just know that i wont do the same thing i do now in few years or (i really hope) less than a year coz it is hard to wake up every morning and convincing myself it just one day more before i get what i want
i mean, i know i now sound ungrateful but i cant lie anymore... as much as i convinced myself i like what is going on with my life now, i guess both my mind n body just keep seeing it as a mind torturing event... n i keep re-live this event everyday and tho some days it all seem okay but other days i just want to be paralyzed or in a comma so i dont have to wake up
is it bad? well it wasnt so bad actually...
but like i said, i dont really want this
i actually gave myself a chance but turn out i cant even have a nice word to describe what i do
ya ALLAH please show me the way... if i am destined to do what i do now, please give me some kind of sign so i will know
and if i am supposedly do something else, please show me the right path
okla that's that
papai ^^~
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